In whose life
in whose game
whose death
in whose name

edit: add

I can be quite sure that this year will see more entries. I have become quite vocal about my issues and relatively there is a sense of calm. Not so much in the sense that the problems have disappeared but it weren't the many problems that sent me to despair it was the fact that I am alone. Even though I am forever in the company of people my choices in life have led me be rather solitary.
Maybe when I set out to find a comfort zone within my own self I was inevitably moving towards this utter isolation. Slowly I am expanding my comfort zone because I have realized I do not possess the power to keep my ownself contained so tightly.
Towards when I was truly happy I contemplate, I find that I was always in need of others. In their presence, the full me was visible.
My silence then did me no good in the end. The core I looked for did nothing short of burying me. In the process I lost a host of friends, the meaning of friendship and a possible love for life. In all honesty that is all that has happened. I found myself but myself alone proved a burden too heavy.